HUBBERS DOT COM BLOG

My digital camer has recently started taking very overexposed pictures. I contacted Canon and they had this to say.

Thank you for your recent inquiry regarding your Canon product.

In response to your query, please be advised that from your incident description and from the two images we concluded that the over exposure effect the images have would be normal, even with the Automatic mode.

Please be advised that in case the camera would automatically set the balance to normal in the sunny sky area, the rest of the image would be even more massively under exposed.

Furthermore, in case in normal light conditions the images are not over or under exposed using the Automatic mode settings, most certainly there is nothing wrong with your Canon Digital IXUS 750.

Well I know there is something wrong with my camera so I have sent them this picture I took in Boston. There is no sky or bright light in this photo. Just more of the same building. And the sun is behind the building so there is no reflection.

I caught a bit of sunshine in the Spanish owned Canary Islands just off the coast of Morocco this Xmas. My partners in crime were my flatmates and friends from London. The weather was excellent and most days it was hot enough to swim. This was a pleasant change from London where most days was is hot enough to ice skate.

FLYING FISTS OF FURY

On our second night I noticed my flatmate ‘Angry Cam’ yelling at a bar tout who stiffed us on some free shots the night before. I walked over and quickly convinced AC to step down. Not quick enough however as five bouncers jumped us from behind. One put me in a neck lock that flattened my oesophagus to the point I couldn’t breathe. Over a week later it still hurts to swallow. Cam got a much worse hiding but he was the one who was asking for it. Luckily for them I was too pissed to stand on one leg or I would have pulled out the crane on their arses.

HERE IS SOMETHING I DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT CASINOS

You can leave the table when you have more than doubled your money and you don’t have to wait until you are fully pissed and they have won it all back. Of course it helps if the drinks are not free. I mean only a moron would turn down free drinks at a casino.

EL TIEDE

If you ever go to Tenerife you should take a trip on the cable car up the resident volcano El Tiede. The views were outstanding.

DRUG OVERDOSE

There were several cases of coughs and flu amongst the party. My advice if you get the flu travelling is to drink loads of fluids and keep warm. Also if someone offers you a ‘day nurse’ cold and flu tablet in the middle of the day and the packet is dark blue – don’t take it – it’s a night nurse and you will fall asleep in a beach side café and your friends will sneak off.

COOZER

I am the All Tenerife Coozer Champion thrashing all the other five travellers 3 zip zip zip zip zip. Losers.

TOP SIX REASONS WHY MADRID IS THE WORLDS WORST AIRPORT

1. It is totally cool to smoke pretty much anywhere you like. Disgusting.
2. Spitting on the floor is also acceptable. Double disgusting.
3. Every time you go anywhere you have to take a bus. What ever happened to parking the plane next to the terminal building?
4. We spotted ten pieces of luggage sitting on the tarmac completely unattended. That is ten more pieces unattended on the tarmac than I have ever seen at all the other airports I have been to in eleven years travelling.
5. Some of the clocks are WRONG by over an hour. Talk about running for your bus so you can get to the other bus to take you to your plane because you think its five minutes after take off. Shameful.
   But worst of all
6. They snapped one of the thick shoulder straps (how?!?!) on my eight year old Macpac that I have backpacked 64 countries with. Hijo de puta.

BA has come to the rescue and offered me a far inferior pack or half the value of a replacement since it was eight years old. “But it’s was in perfect condition” I said. “Well backpacks get less valuable when they get older Sir”. Bull. My Macpac was as good as the day I bought it and it has had tens of thousands of pounds worth of expensive customisations done in the last eight years. Travelling to other countries to buy those little badges isn’t bloody free you know!!!

AND FINALLY

How does Google know so much? Who shagged in the bathroom and where did the blood come from? How do those touts afford to give away €1000 for scratchy prizes if you sit through a one hour seminar? Where did Don Sandy Bingo get to that one night?

I recently tried to sell my new Nokia via Amazon’s marketplace. It was listed with them for a number for weeks during which time I received literally dozens of emails from Nigerian conmen trying to get me to send the phone to Lagos. While most of these scams are child like in their simplicity and presentation (their spelling and grammar is worse than mine) some are actually quite clever. Like the attempts to mimic the automated response that Amazon sends when an item is sold legitimately. I have two pieces of advice for would be Amazon Marketplace users:

1. Never have any dealings with Nigerians or anyone with West African connections
2. Never ship an item without logging into your account via a fresh internet browser and checking that it has actually been sold.

Here are some of the email addresses they used:
bomaniphonestores10@yahoo.com; buyphoneonline@yahoo.com; christianah_lucy@yahoo.com; covetdon@uk2.net; da_taylor01@yahoo.co.uk; dammychi@yahoo.co.uk; deborah_scot@yahoo.com; donald_lisaworld@yahoo.com; eluksinfo@yahoo.com; famouse4all@yahoo.com; froofblack@yahoo.com; gbengalshstore@yahoo.com; george_x009@yahoo.com; georgepaipar@yahoo.com; graetkunle@yahoo.com; graetkunle@yahoo.com; janet_smith_03@yahoo.com; jenny_lopez080@yahoo.com; joshtels@yahoo.com; joydan005@yahoo.com; jtewright@gmail.com; kayboy1on1@yahoo.com; kaydees2002@yahoo.com; larry_jeff09@yahoo.com; lauramary01@yahoo.co.uk; lawwy_joe@yahoo.com; luisenrique198601@yahoo.com; lunasmith56@yahoo.com; macbetprin1@yahoo.com; mahmoodo@aston.ac.uk; mariecarr310@yahoo.co.uk; memoryfx@yahoo.com; nivis_james005@yahoo.com.au; owenstore2005@yahoo.com; pastor_andrew01@yahoo.com; razy4real2001@yahoo.com; rebecca_gonzalex@yahoo.com; kproject11@yahoo.com; smith_smithstore@yahoo.com; Steffany_Wallace@yahoo.com; sterwaydaylight@yahoo.co.uk; val_1cool@yahoo.com; visfinity4all@yahoo.com; vtaboi@fsmail.net; wildnasco5@hotmail.com; terryelectronic_inc@yahoo.com

I emailed Amazon and they were no help other than to suggest that I should not sell to con men from Nigeria. Well duh?
Today I gave up and took the listing down. So if anyone needs a Nokia 6630 it’s brand new…

We all know that a good percentage of Nigerians spend their days doing dodgy email scams. And who can blame them when it is estimated that American alone chokes up $200 million a year. I one case they even convinced a Brazilian to send $242 million dollars for a ‘new airport’.

I sold a couple of mobiles on Ebay recently and received several emails from Nigerian’s who wanted to order several phones at well over their saleable value. This is an obvious scam where I ship them phones and they pay via some service that doesn’t work or seems like it works and then doesn’t once the phones are shipped. The lowest of these approaches is the one below where they tried to use the recent tragic tsunami disaster in the con.

HELLO SELLER, I AM A PASTOR IN A CHURCH IN AMERICA, AM NOW IN INDONENISIA COS WE HAVING A PARISH THERE SO AHVE COME TO MEET SOME OF OUR MEMBERS WHO LOST THERE FAMILIES IN TSUNAMI CRISIS MOST ESPECIALLY MY PASTOR WHO WAS KILL BY THE CRISIS, AND WIFE AND FAMILIES RE IN AFRICA (NIGIRIA). SO I WILL LIKE TO BUY TWO OF THIS ITEM FOR HIS WIFE AND HIS ELDER SON WHO RE MANAGING A SCHOOL IN NIGERIA. SO I WANT THEM TO BE USING THIS ITEM TO BE COMUNICATION WITH THE REST OF FAMILIES IN INDONESIA. I WILL BE PAYNNG FOR THIS ITEM THROUGH BIDPAY WESTERN UNION AUCTION PAYMENT. I WILL BE PAYING 192.50 FOR EACH ITEM. IF YOU RE INTERESTED IN SELLING THIS ITEM PLS IMMEDIATELY BECAUSE THEY NEED IT VERY URJENTLY BEFORE NEXT WEEK TUESDAY. PLS IF YOU RE MAILING ME BACK CALCULATE THE ITEM SHIPPING VIA DHL OR FEDEX. BEST REGARD. PASTOR JUVENILE..

What a pack of wankers.

India is bloody hot.

I have no Lonely Planet but it’s cool I just need to find some travelers and follow them to the beach.

Found a cheap hostel despite the airport hotel booking guy saying they are all closed now. He was sure a friend had told him so. I leant forward, looked him straight in the eye and said ‘I don’t believe you’. Pretty rude I know but he choked up a list of hostels on the spot.

Found some tourist who were going to the beach. Sorted.

Booked a ticket on a sleeper bus that looked great on the brochure. Taxied back to the hostel for my backpack. A local guy helped me and only wanted ten quid for his troubles. He didn’t get it. I told him I was disappointed that someone who called themselves my friend would try something so obviously dishonest. He said if I was disappointed now I would be very very disappointed by the time I left India :)
The actual bus was a little different to the stylish airconditioned vehicle in the photograph. In fact it was very different. It was way more run down and I was asked to pay an additional 300 rupees if I wanted my bed to myself. Eh? I settled for looking scary to get my bed to myself. Got hardly any sleep as we were running with virtually no shocks. It was like trying to sleep on a vibrating bed possessed by the spirit of an ex-girlfriend you had murdered.

Really looking forward to India and not just because I need a beer. My flatmate Charlotte who doesn’t have a nasty or racist bone in her body describes Indians as ‘all thieves’. My travel buddy Greg’s first email from India was about his top three scams on the first day. The following is from Greg’s first email a day after arriving in India:

But in first place….was not expecting this one and yes I got done. Taxi from Delhi airport. Driver chatting on the phone. Sounds like he is giving directions to someone. Fair enough. A little while later… less than 5 mins there is a thud at the front of the car. He has run over a kid of about 14 who is now lying on the road. Holy Moly. We both jump out of the car to see if this kid is OK. The kid runs off at 100Mph. Man. But as I turn around to chat to the taxi man he has already jumped into his car and taken off with all my gear. Everything but my wallet and belt bag. Bugger. I am now stuck in the middle of Delhi with nothing. I don’t panic as such but I am a little concerned. OK I am shitting myself. As I am pondering my next move a police car turns up. How handy me thinks. And they have my gear. They had seen the whole thing and stopped the driver and got my gear back. Yes. Winner. They then take me into the station where I needed to be. And here is the final part which sums India up for me…..they charge me 200 Rupees for the help. Ha.

Wicked, bring it on India.

At the airport I finished ‘The Truth About Christianity’. It had the bitter feeling of one group of fundamentalists having a go at another group of fundamentalists. They made some valid points about who wrote the bible and conflicting statements in the bible but they lost me when they started having a go at alcohol. Anyway as all true believers in Bob (all drink to Bob the merciful) will no doubt have noticed it’s great to see the false religions battle it out to see which is the most ridiculous.

Oh yeah, the eight year old next to me on the plane who I had kindly given my window seat to spilt a full cup of hot tea in my lap. Luckily Emirites don’t serve drinks hot enough to burn your coozer to badly.

There were very few women on my mostly full 737 to Tehran. On boarding the flight only one had a head scarf on. By the time we landed in Tehran they all did.

Just in case you had any doubts about how Iran feels about Israel and America they have posters at passport control that show soldiers shooting at images of Palestinians with blood dripping onto a broken Star of David. The English part read ‘Down with Israel Down with America’.

The airport taxi guys were the usual bunch of overcharging lying (you pay 400 percent cheap cheap, your hotel no good, I know better one) tossers. It’s nice to know that some things never change.

Watched some local TV but couldn’t decide between the ‘praying dude channel’ or the ‘music video of soft focus violence against Zionist occupiers’ so turned it off.

Sleep at 5am.

No time to waste. Up at 9am.

Headed to Ghazvin where I could head out to Alamut and the castles of the assassins which are apparently very beautiful. People were very helpful one guy even gave me a lift to the local bus station on the back of his bike and wouldn’t take any baksheesh. Sadly despite my best efforts I did not make it there before dark so headed back to Tehran. Should have just taxied the whole journey from the beginning.

Interestingly one of the buses I caught was segregated. All the boys sat at the front and all the girls sat at the back. When I was eleven my intermediate school’s bendy bus was also segregated because there was too much pashing and stuff on the back seat. Coincidence?

The dress code for women in public here seems quite simple. Anything black that looks like a tent and covers your entire body will do. Even crossing the road at night and even in the baking midday heat.

There was a huge march in Tehran today to protest against the Zionist occupiers (Israel). They even had effigies of Bush, Blaire and Sharon. From the news it looked like many thousand turned up. They really hate Israel here.

All through Eastern Europe I wore shorts, even when it was a bit nippy. I got many odd looks for this. Now that I am in warm country I am wearing long pants and long sleeve shirts. Is it me that is nuts or is it everyone else?

Got done by the most basic taxi scam this morning. Was chased across train station at Burgess by a taxi driver and stupidly I gave him the time of day.

Tip: never trust taxi drivers who hang out at stations/ports they are there because it is the best place to meet people who don’t know the local situation.

He said that the trains to Veliko Tarnovo only ran in the summer (this is the most common taxi driver lie i.e. you hotel is closed or full etc). It ran all year round. Cleverly he offered to take me to Veliko Tarnovo for only eighty Euro so I though that was his scam. Instead got him to take me to the bus station that went to Veliko Tarnovo. This is classic scammer psychology to offer a big obvious scam and a little thing knowing that the ‘punter’ is more likely to take the lesser of the two things. The actual scam was to take make me take on an unnecessary taxi ride to the bus station at a grossly inflated rate. The whole ride there he talked an talked and I dimly paid attention to the meter but when we arrived the magic meter had suddenly jumped six hundred percent. Right now I should tell you my one hundred percent successful strategy for dealing with dodgey taxi drivers.

‘THE’ INFALABLE STRATEGY FOR DEALING WITH DODGEY TAXI DRIVERS

Before you go anywhere find out how much the ride costs from an independent source and when you arrive pay the correct/fair amount and walk away. Don’t look back. Don’t negotiate. It works, trust me.

So we arrived and the fair had jumped six hundred percent and what did I do? I told him he was a thief and paid the inflated bullshit amount and walked away. Why? I don’t know. I wasn’t in the mood to fight and the total value of the scam was only worth three quid. Also the ‘magic meter’ is the first really remotely decent scam I’ve faced in this part of Eastern Europe. It’s not like Egypt where almost every transaction of every day you are fighting to save being ripped off. Still, I finally met a scammer in this part of the world and I buckled like a beginner. Stink.

Due to dodgey info I got into Veliko Tarnovo well after dark. Tried to get into local hostel after more taxi shenanigans (oh it is full, you no like it’s way out of town). Sigh.

Tried to take in National Museum but it was also closed for refurbishment. Runty did something else because museums ‘are just full of boring old stuff’ that does not interest him. Sadly it was closed for refurbishment so I enjoyed my other favourite pastime on holiday – internet and caffeine.

The sleeper train to Bucharest is sixteen hours long. It only looks about six hundred kilometers on the map so we should average a massive 40kms an hour. Bizarrely the train has no restaurant car so we had to bring everything we wanted to eat. Figured ut why it takes so long to get to Bucharest – the train stops every fifty meters. Even more bizarrely our carriage started the journey at the beginning of the train, then we were at the end and to our surprise when we arrived at Bucharest we were in the middle?!?!

The train conductor reminded us that we are heading into the dodgier part of Europe when he reminded us to double lock our cabin door. The Lonely Planet outlines several local scams and other tourists have warned us of more. I am really looking forward to the contest with the local scammers. One of the things I really admire about the Egyptians (that means you Bill) are the ingenious methods they have come up with for parting stupid tourist from their money. We shall see how the Romanians rate in comparison to the Gypos, Moroccans, Thais and other nations who have a scammer underclass why ply this dirty trade.

The proposed method so far is as soon as a scammers starts his or her spiel:

1. Take their photograph (whilst holding the camera very firmly)
2. Admonish them in a loud voice for making all of their countrymen look like thieves.
3. Ask them loudly if they feel guilty and what their mothers’ would think.

Started the day with the worst commentated tour on our trip so far. The guide had poor English and had virtually nothing to say but was a stunning example of top notch Bosnian smoo, so none of the predominately male crowd seemed to mind.

The only thing worth seeing on the tour was the museum at the Tunnel where the Bosnians supplied the city while the Serbs had it under siege between April 92 and September 95. The Tunnel was 800 meters long and carried everything the city needed from petrol (piped), high voltage electricity, weapons, food, livestock and up to 3000 military and civilian personnel a day. It provided an essential lifeline that helped Sarajevo hold on in life or death circumstances. When other Bosnian cities resistances collapsed their occupants were often massacred.

Huge huge laugh when the fit smoo guide said ‘you can go in my tunnel, it is not dangerous’.

Caught our own cab out to the Stadium used for the 1984 Sarajevo Winter Olympics (what winter olympic sport needs an outdoor stadium?) but is now surrounded by graves. Lack of any useful commentary from our driver meant that we knew nothing about the site other than it has loads of graves.

His one intelligible comment was ‘Bosnian pussy good eh?’ Although a touch crass, he is not wrong.

This amazing city is crying out for someone to conduct a good quality walking tour to tell the story of it’s turbulent history.

Runty had himself measured for his best man suit for Andy’s wedding. His suit size is 48 or 46 as I keep reminding him. If he looks a little constricted at the wedding then you know who to blame.

Met a Kiwi who managed to get the tricky Ukrainian visa and for his troubles he was robbed or scammed by the local police five times during his time there. What a pack of *****.

We are so short of days now that we decided to make up time by catching a night bus to Belgrade. The eight hour trip covers a mere 200kms. Surprisingly it wasn’t that bad.