HUBBERS DOT COM BLOG

1. Have you noticed all the people caught in this are black? Socioeconomics dictate your chances of survival.
2. Why weren’t they prepared for this? Everyone knew it was in the post.
3. The hurricane season is now longer and more powerful than ever before. Surely they won’t rebuild a city below sea level while they continue to let the energy lobby direct the environmental policy. This is why non-US citizens should be able to vote in US elections. Of course the basic problem with that would be that the next President would be Chairman Jiang Zemin.
4. Didn’t someone say any civilization is only three meals away from anarchy? It seems they were right. Even for the most powerful civilizations.

My flatmate took this picture in Bolivia recently. It does a great job of showing how the mantle of international bad guys has been handed from the communists to the radical Islamists. I wonder if that is what the artist meant to do?

Apparently the guys who tried and failed to blow up the tube on Thursday think that their imaginary super being will give them 1000 virgins to pleasure themselves with after they die. This is quite funny because if they get caught and end up in an English jail they may find they get quite the opposite.

I woke this morning to the news that after failing to detonate their bombs all four bombers actually managed to run away from the scene of the crime through large crowds of stunned Londoners. Those of you who saw the recent British Lions rugby tour of New Zealand won’t be too surprised to hear that it seems that almost no one in this country can make a decent tackle.

My friend Phil Stevens suggested that we should man the tube with old All Blacks. I’m damned sure that after Buck Shelford put in a decent spear tackle that Richard Lowe wouldn’t mind putting a few fingers in the bombers eyes and the like. If we really wanted to get freaky on their arses we could call on the services of John Hopoate.

Today at three the bombers hit London again. Thankfully these bombers seem to be about as competent as The Three Stooges and early reports suggest that no one was seriously hurt.

I really can’t make up my mind between walk bus train walk bus walk or walk bus walk bus train walk bus walk or even walk bus walk bus train walk bus walk. On the face of things bus train walk bus walk looks like it might be the go but if everyone else thinks the same thing then it almost certainly won’t be. I have a suspicious feeling that I might end up taking the walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk option.

I tried to get into work early to get some stuff done before I headed off to the company prize giving at 1pm. Predictably Tooting Bec tube stop was closed because of some technical fault and I ended up walking to Balham taking an overland to Victoria and then bussing the rest of the way. I was enjoying my morning latte when I heard the news that there had been a derailment or an electrical surge that had damaged one of the tubes. London had won the 2012 Olympic bid the day before and transport was one of the key weaknesses of the London case. Having been delayed 45 minutes getting into work because of a technical fault I kind of felt that maybe the sticking plasters and number 8 wire that held the whole Underground together had held out just long enough to fool the Olympic committee. These thoughts quickly turned to disbelief as it became clear that what was going on was something much more abhorrent. At this stage all transport in central London was halted and most city workers were confined to their buildings as a precaution.

We were discussing how we would cross central London to the prize giving at Kensington High Street when we were evacuated as a suspect package was found at the police station across the road from our building. With the exception of the people from our building and the police the streets were eerily empty as we headed for the local park. After about 5 minutes or standing around feeling uncomfortably exposed in the open park with only our colleagues to act as a human shield in the event of an explosion we headed for the local pub.

During all this I had been trying to contact my parents. Initially I tried to send a text but the lines were so jammed with worried people texting each other that it was nearly impossible. After 30 minutes of trying I finally got one off and then rang the Olds on a payphone because they both got a C- in mobile phone use 101.

At this stage we began the long walk across central to the venue where the prize giving was to be held. They may have cancelled the prize giving but the exclusive rooftop garden, bbq and beer were all paid up and ready to go. This was probably a bit foolish as large parts of central London were still cordoned off as the police carried out a number of controlled explosions on packed lunches and gym bags. We even heard one of these go off near Kensington Palace. Thankfully none of these were actual bombs and the rest of the day passed without additional carnage.

In the end we did the only thing that sane people would do in this sort of situation – we got hellishly drunk.

The following map shows where the bombs went off in relation to my work.

Today at three the bombers hit London again. Thankfully these bombers seem to be about as competent as The Three Stooges and early reports suggest that no one was seriously hurt.

These are my options for my journey home.

I really can’t make up my mind between walk bus train walk bus walk or walk bus walk bus train walk bus walk or even walk bus walk bus train walk bus walk. On the face of things bus train walk bus walk looks like it might be the go but if everyone else thinks the same thing then it almost certainly won’t be. I have a suspicious feeling that I might end up taking the walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk option.

Spent all day going to things that were closed because it was the end of Ramadan.

The most interesting thing that happened all day is I was sort of arrested for taking a photo of a mosque. Two soldiers escorted me to a little room where another soldier made me delete the photo and show him everything else I had taken. Luckily they were very good about the whole thing and I wasn’t beaten to death, as sometimes happens here for the crime of ‘photography‘. But you do have to wonder what the point was.

Flew to Musshad like the new age backpacker I am.

Spent all morning taxiing around Tehran’s five star hotels looking for one that had a satellite sports package. Sadly the best they had was CCN and BBC with no sport. Gutted. This will be the first AB test I have missed in years and years

Went totally against my backpacker roots and have booked four internal flight to see most of Iran. This had to be done to make up time because I need to be in Mumbai in India in fifteen days. They only cost twenty quid each and it will save me around 53 hours of wasted bus time.

It’s the Muslim holy month of Ramadan where they all fast during daylight hours. As a tourist I am not expected to fast but the food places are mostly all closed so it’s academic. Have managed to find plenty of fruit and nuts which is lucky if you like living off foods that you can normally forage for in the for jungle.

Saw the National Jewels Museum which rivaled the collections I have seen in London and Moscow. They have a very impressive globe with 51366 precious stones on it. It would have been even more impressive if the eejit who made it had included New Zealand.

Walked past the German Embassy which has a memorial outside to the Iranians who were gassed by Saddam during the Iran Iraq war. Apparently the Germans supplied the gas to Iraq after the war had started. I wont type the whole thing but the last sentence reads ‘Iranian people who have been continuously witnessing the martyrdom of their beloved sons who had been victims of such lethal weapons shall never forget the German government’s complicity and undeniable role in this atrocious crime’. They don’t mince words here and they don’t forget or forgive quickly.

The building formerly known as the US Embassy but now known as ‘The US Den of Espionage’ is far more entertaining as it is covered with rabble rousing murals. Here are a few examples:

• We will make America face a severe defeat.
• On that day when the United States of America will praise us we should mourn
• United States of America after ghods occupier regime is the most hated statebefore our nation
• and the old classic Down with AmericaThere are other images showing America as warlike and corrupt as well. Well worth a look.

Had to read and listen to the ABs v Italy. The audio commentary over the internet by a group of guys at http://www.tvnz.co.nz/ was very funny. I emailed the show about how I had tried every five star in Tehran and they read it out on air to the whole wide world. My ego nearly exploded.

Changed some money on the street because the banks are closed. During the day the street value and the bank value is nearly identical. At night it’s a different matter. I found a guy and negotiated 35000 local for my forty dollars. When I counted and only found 25000 I asked what the deal was. He looked at me seriously and said one word ‘commission’. I gave him two of my own words and went to someone else. Money changers are one small step away from taxi drivers as far as I am concerned.

After dinner I caught the metro home. I’ve caught the metro in several countries now so I pretty much consider myself an international metro expert. Tehran’s metro is very new so it was easy to sort out. Firstly I checked the map and sorted out where I need to go. Then I bought a ticket for about 5p. I was cool. I had it under control. I walked down to the platform and wouldn’t you know it a train was waiting with its doors open. I didn’t run. I’m no metro beginner. As I calmly stepped onto the train I was smug in the knowledge that I truly am an international metro expert. I was performing a quick backup check to make sure there was no mistake when the conductor pulled my shoulder and signaled for me to step off the train. Eh? What had I done? What could possibly be wrong? And then I had an epiphany. As I stepped off I looked back over my shoulder and sure enough the carriage was full of women – and only women – all looking at me like I was a Muppet (or whatever they have here instead of Muppets because The Muppets is probably banned). How was I to bloody know the bloody tube in bloody Tehran is bloody segregated.

There were very few women on my mostly full 737 to Tehran. On boarding the flight only one had a head scarf on. By the time we landed in Tehran they all did.

Just in case you had any doubts about how Iran feels about Israel and America they have posters at passport control that show soldiers shooting at images of Palestinians with blood dripping onto a broken Star of David. The English part read ‘Down with Israel Down with America’.

The airport taxi guys were the usual bunch of overcharging lying (you pay 400 percent cheap cheap, your hotel no good, I know better one) tossers. It’s nice to know that some things never change.

Watched some local TV but couldn’t decide between the ‘praying dude channel’ or the ‘music video of soft focus violence against Zionist occupiers’ so turned it off.

Sleep at 5am.

No time to waste. Up at 9am.

Headed to Ghazvin where I could head out to Alamut and the castles of the assassins which are apparently very beautiful. People were very helpful one guy even gave me a lift to the local bus station on the back of his bike and wouldn’t take any baksheesh. Sadly despite my best efforts I did not make it there before dark so headed back to Tehran. Should have just taxied the whole journey from the beginning.

Interestingly one of the buses I caught was segregated. All the boys sat at the front and all the girls sat at the back. When I was eleven my intermediate school’s bendy bus was also segregated because there was too much pashing and stuff on the back seat. Coincidence?

The dress code for women in public here seems quite simple. Anything black that looks like a tent and covers your entire body will do. Even crossing the road at night and even in the baking midday heat.

There was a huge march in Tehran today to protest against the Zionist occupiers (Israel). They even had effigies of Bush, Blaire and Sharon. From the news it looked like many thousand turned up. They really hate Israel here.

All through Eastern Europe I wore shorts, even when it was a bit nippy. I got many odd looks for this. Now that I am in warm country I am wearing long pants and long sleeve shirts. Is it me that is nuts or is it everyone else?